Dear Universe, or Whoever is Reading--
I've been thinking about what I like to call "crystal moments". What are those, you ask? They are those extremely rare moments in time that are absolutely perfect... where you have no need or desire that is unmet, and if the world ended right then, you would be perfectly happy to leave the mortal coil.
They are also so, so fragile, like fine crystal, that they shatter into a million pieces in a heartbeat.
I've only had a few of these in my life. I'm not sure if this is a universal experience, or maybe some people have them all the time? Is that what true happiness is? Regardless, they are precious pieces of my memory, and I'd like to share one with you. This feels a little strange to be sharing, mostly because it's a little silly, and might seem odd to you that this moment was important. I'll try to explain why.
I met Paul online in the Summer of 1995. I'm not sure what we talked about now, or why we started chatting, but we seemed to instantly have a connection. We decided to meet up at a local mall and have a meal.
He wasn't what you would call classically handsome, but he had an infectious smile and messy, reddish brown hair. His glasses gave him just the right amount of geek for my taste, and he smelled like laundry soap and clove cigarettes. He dressed in a way that was typical for the time-- over-sized military-style jacket, doc martens, and baggy cargo pants.
Our first meal led to another, then a movie, and eventually hanging out at his place, listening to music and watching movies. We didn't seem to be in a hurry to pursue a physical relationship, but there was one thing we both seemed to like.
Paul didn't smoke inside his apartment, but instead went out on the deck. I would follow him out, and stand behind him and wrap my arms around him. I'd rest my head on his back, and listen to him inhale and exhale, and smell his unique scent. He'd lean his head back to rest it on mine, and stare at the sky.
It was that moment that is etched forever in my mind. There was just something there... something that made me think life was perfect. The sky could come crashing down and I would be fine.
Paul and I didn't last. There was some sort of ex-girlfriend in the picture, if I remember right. But I did take a few important things from that relationship. It was the first time I was with someone I considered my intellectual equal, someone who I could actually see having a future with. He treated me like a queen, and would do little things to make me happy-- like have my favorite soda in the fridge. He told me I was beautiful.
I felt loved by him, just for being myself.
And doesn't every women need to know that?
You are enough, just the way you are.
